Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."

Customer "Ok."

Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

Customer: "No."

Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"

Customer "No."

Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"

Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."

Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
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Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."

Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

Tech Support:: "Ma'am! , remove the disk and tell me what it says."

Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."

Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

Customer:: "What?"

Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

Customer: "No..."
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Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"

Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"

Customer:: "A white one."
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Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
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Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?"

Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service)

Tech Support:: "Well then we can't-"

Customer:: "It says 'no dial tone'."

Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-"

Customer:: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time.I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through."

Tech Support:: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me."

Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
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Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."
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Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"

Customer: "Pentium."
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Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
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Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
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Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly."

Tech Support: "What does it say?"

Customer : "Something about an error and non-system disk."

Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
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Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."

Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
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Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

Tech Support:: "Well?"

Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"

That would have been funnier if I hadn't asked some of those questions myself! :p

It would be a LOT funnier if I hadn't answered a bunch of them... and similar questions...!

Last time I had to help my mother find a file on her computer, it took, oh, about 45 minutes over the phone. Stuff like telling her to type * (asterisk) for a wildcard search and she says, now do I spell that out? No, Mom, shift-8.....

Waiting period & qualification for guns? Forget it, we need a little better screening on who gets a computer in this country.....