You've never met any celebrities
Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway
"Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to Adventureland
You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular
You measure distance in minutes
Down south to you means Missouri
You know several people who have hit a deer
You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Des Moines"
You know the answer to the question "Is this Heaven?"
Your school classes were canceled because of cold
Your school classes were canceled because of heat
You know where all the Yoders live
You know what "Hawks" and "Clones" are
You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way
You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day
You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better"
You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July
Stores don't have bags, they have sacks
You see people wear bib overalls at funerals
You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year
You end your sentences with an unnecessary exposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?"
All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or vegetable
You can locate Iowa on the United States map
Detassling was your first job
You've been on a "Geode Hunt"
Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied! d only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice
You learn your pickup will run without a muffler
You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked
When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say "It was different"
Being a bit younger, you remember Terry Branstad as the governor the whole time you were growing up
You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor
People from other states love to hear you say "Iowa" and other words with "Os" in them
You carry jumper cables in your car
You drink "pop"
You know what the numbers I-80, 280 and 380 mean
You know what "cow chips" are
You actually understand these statements and pass them on to all your Iowa friends!
Havin' FUN Yet?
Spotted scrawlled on a typical (i.e., curvaceous) beer company poster outside a campustown bar:
If you see anyone who looks remotely like this in Ames,
you've had to much to drink. Don't drive!