meadhall,
Unless you intend to hunt large game with the load, the best all around I have found is 8.5-9.5 Gr. of Unique behind a moderately hard Lyman 429421 or a commercial equivalent. If you want a higher powered load, then 18.5-22.0 2400 is always good.
So far as going to a defense load, read Massad Ayoob's column. He appears in several different magazines. Carrying hand-loaded ammunition for defense purposes is definitely a bad idea! If you ever have to use the gun there is a good chance, even if you were right, that you are charged criminally or sued civilly. If that happens, the unwashed jury which won't understand such matters, could and probably would be swayed against you by the opposing attorney who only is interested in winning his case, not a fair judgement for you!
Always carry factory ammunition for defense, you don't need any more complication in your life than you will already have if you are forced to shoot someone. Ask anyone in law-enforcement who has had to shoot a person, I know, I have had to before, it will follow you forever even if you are right and are never sued or charged!